Takutnya

Assalamualaikum.

Not said i ni berlagak ke apa. But some of my colleague they too afraid of someone.
Those surgeon lah senang cerita.
It's too obvious sampai i yang sama team pon rasa, why?
Be yourself. Come on, you can do it.
They are just same with us.
Please, please and please.

Let's bincangkan secara serius.

For me, untuk menghadapinya, not fair for them to afraid of certain person.
Don't you think?
We're same slave to Allah.
Mati pon bila-bila masa sahaja.
Tengah sam-sama kerja pon boleh unconscious.
So, apa nak menggelabahnya?

Prepared your mind set and perception about that person in in your life...
Convert the word afraid to respect!
Better right.

So, don't so takut. Think about your Creator who will protect you. Bacalah doa sebelum doing something.
Bismillah pon ok da.
Panjang sikit, bacalah doa minta petunjuk daripada Allah agar semuanya berjalan lancar.
Boleh siap cepat.
Boleh balik awal.

Kalau geram sangat, ketuk je kepala orang tuh.
Pastu lari.
Beres.

As ianya juga pernah happened in my family. Where we're all so afraid to our ayah.
Once we're still kids.
Takut kena marah. Biasalah.
And semua membuatkan kami more closer to emak or sesama adik-beradik je.
My ayah is my stranger.
Make it worst,
Perasaan takut bertukar kepada benci. Which that sometime parents not understand what we want.
Teenagers. Memberontak je tau.

And later, after life matured me. Dah habis belajar, kerja, pegang duit sendrik.
Then, benci terus changes to respect.
Susah rupanya mak ayah nak besarkan kita.
Sebab tu kita boleh pulak buat perangai apa jadah bila ayah penat balik kerja.
Kan da ayah marah.
Salah sendirik.

Rasa nak menitik air mata.
Yelah, he's so strong besarkan lapan orang anak... with my emak only a housewife.
And for sake of us. He sanggup tolak PTPTN and support my two sister yang tengah sama-sama sambung belajar. With me in sponsorship partner.
'Till now, we're free from this kind of loan.
Alhamdulillah.
Love both of you.

So, for my friends yang under this categories.
Be brave be bold!

What's wrong with me

Assalamualaikum.

Last January, in 'cause I'm no Superman post, I ada mentioned about how sick i am with night fever, diarrhea, dizziness and on off of nausea.
Those terrible days yang i survived well.
Even I have to do oncall.
Gila tak gilalah.
Tapi lepas dengan jayanya.

Somehow, about these few weeks, I think it's slowly gonna come back.
Minus the diarrhea.
Ya. Because i still hati-hati with my intake.
Seksa woo.
And if rasa too hungry. I just ate macam biasa or double it. So far so good.
Even though gitu, ada my friend and my family member said i makin lama makin kurus.
I like, seriously?
I admit, ada one day kadang-kadang no feeling untuk makan, tak lapar langsung. I just niatkan puasa or i may be just simply took some spare Kokocrunch.
Tak naklah kena gastric nanti.

Walaupun tak ada diarrhea, tapi ganti dengan some bruises and bit redness.
Which i donno where it came from.
Tahu-tahu dah ada dapat. Sana sikit, sini sikit.
Hurm?

I think i tak doing any outdoor activities yang sangat lah lasak.
My routine last few weeks secara puratanya adalah.
Kerja macam biasa. Jogging-jogging dalam department, huha-huha jap.
Done weekend call.
Volunteer part untuk ajar budak membaca,
And the Easter egg days celebration dengan makan-makan biasa sahaja. Ada orang belanja kan. Hhehhehe...

And about my dizziness. I already change my spectacle. Which i found memang ada change of power lens.
Still tried to adjust it. Spec baru kan.
In observation lagi.
But if my dizziness to bad, nausea pon nak join sekali.
Hek eleh.

And fever? I can felt it.
Every morning berat kepala. And muscle aches.
Tu yang kena buat some light exercise.
Or if tak sempat. Prayer time, much better.
Macam semalam, masa time makan-makan rasa muka tiba-tiba panas. And when my friend asked why.
I just replied. Soup nih panas sangat.
And cepat-cepat habiskan meals and minum air mineral banyak-banyak.

With all these. I still can control it and tried to calm down everything.
Because dia akan mula-mula trigger untuk kita rasa uncomfortable.
Then, from situ i knew something gonna up.
And be prepared jelah.

Then, i think i have to top up my balang with lots of candies!
Or small tub for this 'lil one.
Yeah.
Smart moves.

Anything Allah plan for me. I just only a good slave.
But I pray He will wait for me to come to Him one fine day.
Which my big project of Umrah berjalan dengan jayanya.
InsyaAllah.
Aamin.

Reflect yourself

Assalamualaikum.

Reflect yourself. 

This words i got from someone over night discussion at whats-app.
At first we just chat macam biasa. Then, we argued about perangai siapa kena berubah, and then, i thought this is a sensitive issues.
Yelah, who am i suka suki nak soh anak orang gi ubah manners?
Kannn...

Then, he said siapa sentap sekarang ni? Because he is the one yang selalunya akan white flag first.

I just said , no. I'm not a sentap person. Macamlah baru kenal sehari dua plak kan.

But i told. It's true duh.
It's not only him yang sometime yang kena. Othes budak laki kat my department pon banyak kali dah. Tanpa sedar, i also main sound direct jer kat mereka ni.
Yeah. Admit it. Sorry guys. 

Gila kuasa pulak.

I donno if i'm too emotional that night.

Or because baru lepas tahlil.

So ter-drag sekali emosinya.

I donno.

In my working daily basis. I really don't mind if kena makan laju, or no break sebab nak cover each other untuk prayer time.
Lagi-lagi bila part untuk Friday prayer.
Kesian kadang-kadang tengok diorang tak dapat gi if ada kes memanjang. Yang surgeon buat tu pon dua kali lapan ratus samanya. 

Rasa macam tak ada hari esok ke nak buat time tu gak.

Hailo.

One day, ada gak ganti budak-budak lelaki punya job sebab nak bagi diorang gi sembahyang sana.
Biar kita yang menolong cover nya pon dapatlah tempias pahala sikit.
Sikit je pun jadiklah.
Lebih sikit, soh diorang belanja lunch pisang goreng ker kan.
Heheheee...

And ada gak, yang time lepas azan jer I forced them gi solat dulu. Ke nak makan dulu ke.
Just go first.
Sembah Allah tu dulu yang penting, daripada sembah manusia.
Am i wrong?

Ada part paling best, bila keluar makan. Nampak lah diorang punya truly color. 

Time ni nampaklah ada yang pakai seluar ketat daripada me. Rambut kaler babun, baju gambar seru syaitan. Accessories apa jadah. 

Ni nak kena lempang sorang-sorang ke apa?
Tapi they know, i don't like it.
Pandangan mata membunuh ku bagi.
Nak balik naked ke nak dok next my seat!

Pelik sebenarnya bila cool gila tegur tak ada alas kat bebudak lelaki. 

Tapi, tak tegur pulak kat orang-orang perempuan kat my department.
Dah tua, tapi perangai tak berubah-ubah. Uban makin banyak ada lah. Gedik terlebih tu yang malas layan.
Reason sebenar?
They are more dramatic than yang lain. Yeah.
Tapi in one sudut, they know me well too.

So, balik pada main tajuk. I have to reflect myself sebenarnya gak.

Maybe in one part, kita tegur orang ni. Maybe diorang tak suka.

Tak tahukan hati masing-masing camna.

So, why can't lah just me stay quiet. In future. And just reflect what they do at diri sendirik gak.

Less kan segala gossip and umpat mengumpat of couse.

Be the real old me.

So betullah kan what he said...
Supaya kita beringat sama.
Alhamdulillah.